Friday, January 23, 2009

I Get A Kick Out Of You

I have a new best friend: his name is Michael.



I go to his place at least once a week. While I'm at Michael's, I wander around aimlessly. The air is soft and peaceful, thick with the artificial, yet oddly calming, smell of silk flowers and scented candles. I can drift up and down the aisles, gazing at the endless possibilities. I know there are others who love him too; sometimes I catch their eye as we both spy the last silver ink pad at the exact same moment. But we're not competitive. I'm content with buying gold leaf paint and she is just as happy to buy multi-color yarn. We exist together peacefully. Michael has enough room for all of us.



I love the way he cares about me. I know it from the way he offers me deals for just one dollar as soon as I walk in the door. And he reminds me about every upcoming holiday - just in case I was going to forget. Just yesterday he reminded me that Valentine's Day is near and St. Patty's is mere moments later by providing a shelf of pink and red ribbon, with heart wooden boxes and cupid-imprinted stamps. Shamrocks galore wink playfully, begging to be affixed to a decorative bag, should I feel so inclined.



Unfortunately, for all that he does for me, Michael can be hurtful at times. Michael is gifted with the ability to be crafty, whereas I am not. So when I am at Michael's I sometimes find myself moved by the siren song of scrapbooking. Or knitting. Or necklace making. Or perfuming. There are so many appliques you can buy! But I know (from experience) that I will glue my fingers to the cotton with the hot glue gun or drop the fragile glass jar and Michael will be ashamed of me. So I scuttle away, empty-handed and embarrassed.



The other problem with Michael of course is that I suspect Mr F is a little concerned about our relationship. And perhaps he should be. Because I spend a lot of money on my new friend (more than he even knows). But I don't have much to show for it. I have ribbon, and a calligraphy pen, and some cardstock. And moss and flower foam. And a hot glue gun. And 32 glue gun inserts. Which are sitting in my closet. And will make a cameo appearance at my wedding. If I can figure out what to do with them.



But Michael made me bring them home! He knew I would take good care of them. Like he has taken care of me.



I can't wait to visit Michael's again next week. If only his handmaidens of checkout weren't so slow. (Really? Ten minutes to try to wrap a mason jar? Come on, people.)

9 comments:

Ruthie said...

I feel much this way about his cousin Joann as well...

Globetrottingbride said...

I just found your blog and I love it! And, like you, I'm a huge Michael's fan - esp the midnight madness sales!!

Samantha said...

I think they pump something into the air. How else could it mesmerize us decidedly non-crafty people so completely? This past Halloween I went in to buy pipe-cleaners (to make antennas) and came out an hour later with hot glue gun, a huge pack of hot glue sticks, iron-on hem tape, a variety of buttons, some velcro, unpainted letters, and a big box of hot tamales. I ate the hot tamales. used two of the pipe cleaners, and the rest is sitting in my hall closet, still in the bag.

Autumn Witt Boyd to be said...

Um, it's totally frightening how I had been to Michael's perhaps once in the five years before I was engaged, and now I make a weekly trip to use my 40% off coupon. Addictive.

Victory Bird said...

omg, you are hilarious. I haven't needed to be with Michael much yet, but I just signed up for his weekly invitations to shop. Gaahh!

PS - I tagged you for an award!

Mara (The Wedding Cabaret) said...

I love Michael!

Mary Rose said...

I have also recently found your blog. Despite some very specific differences I've been dealing with similar situations, and it's nice to see someone else out there who "hates planning my wedding." amen.

PS: I'm so non-crafty inclined that it's ridiculous. But SOOO tempting! I'm very lucky that Michael doesn't live very nearby.

Jee said...

I love reading your blog. I enjoy it. But I admit I love to do something crafty and do-it-yourself stuffs. Hope I can meet with Michael to share each other ideas.

Pam said...

You are hilarious.