B(la)h, The Note That Follows So-So

So now we're on to Plan C. Actually, it was more like Plan Bb or Plan b because while all of the hotel rigamarole (yikes, is there a spell check on this thing?) was going on, I was already trying to think of a back-up venue (so Plan baby b was really a complement to Plan Big B). So I thought to myself - what venue could be cost-efficient, tropical, and have some sort of special meaning to me and Mr. F? So obviously I started emailing and calling venues in FLORIDA like a madwoman.

Have I mentioned that Mr. F and I got engaged in Florida? Oh, and I lived there for about a decade as a kid. So, it was actually quite a natural choice - especially since at this point in our story, we were still planning for a January wedding.


Unfortunately, Plan Florida was met with resistence. Those family members who were all for the BVI destination wedding, were suddenly less-than-excited. I shall not name names (MOM) but some people (MOM) begged Enraged & Engaged not to have (MOM) a wedding in Florida (MOM) because it didn't make "sense" to have an event so far away, when Florida is really "just like the east coast and people wouldn't understand why we were doing it there and we would have to invite more people than we would have for BVI." [I swear, these words were spoken. Or very similar words. Or some words, that in my mind, sounded a lot like these words. Or their essence. MOM.]


Clearly, you can guess what happened. I folded. Like a house of cards. A very teary-eyed and tired house of cards. In hindsight, I think that if Plan baby b wasn't on the heels of the collapse (or imminent collapse) of Plan Big B, I might have fought with more gusto (which, I have to say is a favorite word of mine - sort of conjures eating italian food or a cajun gumbo on a very cold day...and yeah yeah, I get it - it's robusto, gumbo, and gust all mixed together in my crazy little head and shuffled up with my ever-welcoming-and-perpetually-rumbling stomach). Where was I? YES. Fighting with gusto. I didn't. Instead, I yielded to the demands of OTHERS that I discontinue my Florida search because that location did not make sense as the venue for MY wedding. Because after I, what do I know about what's best for me?

So.....[A Needle Pulling Thread]

Sew, er, so - I waited. And waited. (Things don't move fast in the islands.) And finally, word arrived from my cousin - we were IN! A hefty "locals discount" was negotiated (with a nod to some good ole fashioned bartering). I had a venue (and a date)! I started looking at Save The Dates - because indeedy, people must know The Date (not just any date...THE DATE). Color themes plagued my dreams...would it be lime, coconut, and purple or should I select turquoise, shell and sand? (Two color schemes I still think are totally gorge by the way...and not only because I get to sing "You put the lime in the co-co-nut", each time I think of the former).


All that was left to do was to sign the contract!
And then the contract arrived.
And there was a surprise.


I hate surprises. OK, that's a total lie. I love surprises! Which is why I was so damn pissed when I realized I needed to confirm that we would guarantee that at least 10 hotel rooms would be rented for three nights each (at a minimum cost of $400). Ah ha. Hhm. Yup. That is a guarantee by ME of $12,000. That means that if we couldn't get people to stay at that hotel for three nights, we would lose that money. Gone. Adios. Hasta la...eh. You get the idea. Oh, and another detail - we had arranged for a hotel across the street for half the price to do a block for our guests. Sooooo, I did the logical thing and started asking around.


[Ring ring]


>Hello?
Hi! It's Enraged & Engaged. How are you?

>GOOOOD! How are you? So I hear you set a place and a date!! That's SO great! Tell me all about it!

Well, that's why I'm calling. Remember when you and Bob were going to break up but then you got pregnant and you got married?

>You're pregnant?

No. I'm melodramatic and sarcastic and trying to change the subject. What I want to know is how do you feel about staying for three nights at a $400 a night resort?

>Well, uhm, I do have that new baby. And those loans. And the mortgage. But I love you and if you NEED us to, we'll do anything. NEED. US. TO.

So, to avoid making my friends and family paupers, we dumped Plan B (B is for Bye bye beach wedding) in lieu of Plan C.

Fa, A Long Long Way To Run

I think it would be helpful if I gave a little more background to explain why I am such a surly bride indeed. (For some reason, that brings a mental picture of a burly bride, which in my mind looks a little like a bride with a lot of muscles and a handle-bar mustache, which is enough to make any bride surly, but I digress.)

I was really was excited when I got engaged. Although I hadn't been planning a wedding of Monica-Geller-like proportions (including book of future wedding ideas compiled since I was 6), I did have an inkling that Mr. Fiance and I would love to have a destination wedding. Sadly, I'm not much for hobbies (as in the blogs I read where women say things like "Well, my fiance and I love _____ [Scrabble, Hiking, Raising Alpaca], so our 'theme' is _____ [How Do You Spell L-O-V-E?!, A Step Up to the Altar!, The Fleece of Love!]"), but I do love the warm weather and the ocean. I could see myself walking down the aisle to Bob Marley's "Is this Love?" and having steel drums at the cocktail hour.

It also just so happens that I have a family member who lives in the British Virgin Islands. Nice, right? We regularly visit; every time I step off the plane....ahhhh....instant relaxation (I suspect this somehow relates to the rum served while waiting in line to clear customs, but I'm not complaining). So I thought - this should be easy-peasy to plan...CAKE! (Yum.) I dove into the destination wedding books and blogs. Visions of birds of paradise, mangoes, and starfish danced in my head each evening. I heard from so many people how destination weddings are CHEAP! How they CUT DOWN ON NUMBERS OF EXCESS GUESTS! How they make a wedding into a VACATION!

Unfortunately, I didn't realize that many islands don't offer "all inclusive wedding packages." (Many islands = island I was looking at.) I also didn't realize that CHEAP is referring to the cost for the bride and groom, NOT for the guests. OK, so on to Plan B. Plan B included research into hotels, restaurants, and other venues on the island and and completely gratuitous reconaissance mission to said tropical island. Two days later (well into a rum-induced haze), Mr. F (which now, in hindsight, sounds sort of dirty) and I found Our Place. The Place We Would Have Our Wedding. A gorgeous hotel on the beach, where we could say our "I Do's" looking out at the lapping waves (and while lapping up Mai-Tai's).

Of course Perfect Beach Hotel was out of our price range, but my cousin, a local to the island offered to try to negotiate the price down a bit so we could afford it. Upon returning home to the good ole U-S-of-A, I paced back and forth waiting to get a response from Cousin. Would we be able to afford our dream destination wedding??