Go Fly A Kite

So much to catch up on. I know I never gave the details of Brunchgate - but that seems so long ago! (And so insignificant in the scheme of crap that has occurred since then.) But I know there must be hundreds, alas THOUSANDS, of bride-to-be's perched at the edge of their seat, in front of their computer, filled with rage and frustration regarding their own wedding and just waiting for E&E to fill them in on the details of Brunchgate. So of course, I will.

It arrived innocently enough - a wee lil email in the inbox from Mom. I skimmed the first part - "Please include in your save the dates that there is another hotel guests can stay in - the Marriott Renaissance in the Inner Harbor....yada yada yada". [I TOLD you my parents are obsessed with the Marriott!! No one believes me!] OK, fine. I think it's silly to provide a hotel to stay in that's miles from the venue when said venue is attached to a lovely hotel, but whatever.

Then I saw the next part: "And by the way, Dad and I decided we want to have the brunch at the Marriott also. I'm sure you understand since we need our own private space."

[Counting to ten to avoid screaming with rage at work.]

To backtrack. On three separate occasions Mom has said she wanted brunch at the Marriott, when, as already established above, there is a lovely hotel where guests will be staying ATTACHED to the wedding venue. Said hotel has a restaurant. That serves BRUNCH. Mother and Father are essentially recommending that all guests leave the hotel on the morning after the wedding to catch cabs in the freezing/snowy/raining/sleeting February weather and pay about $20 round trip to get to the Marriott to have some eggs (and bagels, don't forget the frackin bagels). Why? GOD ONLY KNOWS. OK, fine. I know too. The pretextual reason is that they said we need our own private room (the hotel said they can seat us all together in a "section" but doesn't have a room per se). However, E&E knows better. They think it's too casual and more importantly, they are obsessed with the Marriott (and Marriott points, which for those of you NOT in the know - accumulate like airline miles to give you free nights at the hotel. Yeah, you get the picture). All that aside, here's the thing - I expressed on multiple occasions that this issue should be TABLED. Not discussed at this time. It is a hotbutton issue and I don't want to discuss it.

So what do my parents do? They ignore both my actual preference for where brunch should be and my plea to table the issue and they lay down the law according to M&D in an email. An EMAIL! Which is when I lost my breakfast potatoes. (Yeah I know that's not a saying, but god, I am dying for some french fries or potato-related food right now and "lost my potatoes" sounds terribly funny to me and obv keeps with the brunch theme.)

I went on high alert. LEVEL RED for wedding cancellation (i.e., Guests, cancel your hotel and see airline's policy on changing flights.) I let everyone on GCHAT and Facebook know that wedding cancellation may be imminent. I calculated the amount of money spent (and presumably lost) to date. Just so everyone understands, this isn't just about brunch. You all get that, right? This is about the complete and utter loss of control of everything to do with my wedding and apparently my life and the disrespect (really, that's what it is) for my wishes - even when those wishes are as simple as a request that we not talk about an issue.

After notifying Brother (who is quite supportive after having been married last October and experiencing The Crazy first-hand...all of which is a whole other blog/story/therapist's dream in itself) and notifying Mr. F, I was forcibly put on lockdown. Wedding Lockdown. The phone, the computer, the blackberry, all of it. The iron walls came crashing down and I was in a windowless/doorless cell; I was refused access to these items so that I did not do anything rash. (Rash things = call my parents to tell them I hate them, call my parents to cancel wedding, call the wedding venue to cancel wedding, call guests to tell them to book vacations and other things for that date because there is no wedding).

So I waited 48 hours and did nothing. Alert level was lowered to ORANGE for wedding cancellation (i.e., Don't book your flight just yet, but don't plan that trip to Tahiti for that weekend either).

Two more days passed and I was on Yellow (i.e., Bride is numb and colored with indifference; guests should feel free to resume life as normal. Book your flight (preferably with a flexible cancellation policy) and hotel room (ditto)).

The result? Finally, I regained my wits about me and worked with the restaurant manager to get our own room at the hotel restaurant if we guaranteed a certain number of guests, thereby pleasing my parents by addressing their pretextual reason for Marriott brunch option. Problem solved. (Sort of, since they quibbled that the Marriott brunch is $2 cheaper per person so I now need to negotiate down on the brunch, but that's neither here nor there...although it is...but whatever.)

Anti-climactic you say? Not even. Because while the resolution was forming on Brunchgate, I was already dealing with the next chapters of my bridetastic story.