Mama Mia, Here I Go Again

Things have been mercifully quiet the last 24 hours. That doesn't sound like it should be a big deal, but sweet Jesus, it is.

I forgot to mention how two days ago in the middle of coming to terms with my second reception, contemplating how to break this news to my mother, and pondering the particulars of making my fiance's brother's wife a bridesmaid, that I got a call from my mother-in-law to be.

Flashback to 6 months ago. From the get-go, Future-Mother-in-Law (FMIL) made me PROMISE that I would tell her what color to wear and go shopping with her for her dress as soon as my mother bought hers. I agreed. No problemo in my book. Sure, it was another trip to New Jersey (Mr. F's parents live there also) but this was a relatively easy thing to do to make FMIL happy and I am all about getting the relationship off on the right foot. So as soon as my mother purchased her dress, Future-Mother-In-Law wanted all the details of what my mom bought: color, style, where she bought the dress, etc. I assured her I would get her the details, a picture, and I would come back home for us to go shopping together very soon.

However, she was very persistent on the point of what color she was going to wear. I had concerns about committing to something without showing her a swatch or seeing her try on anything, but she really wanted to know. So I relented and told her I thought a champagne color would look lovely with her dark coloring. I was comforted by the fact that I knew that I would be able to show her the exact shade I was looking for when we went shopping together in a couple weeks since she MADE ME PROMISE I WOULD COME SHOPPING WITH HER. (See the ALL CAPS? That's the lazy writer's modern day literary device to make the reader pay attention to information that will become very important very soon.)

While I was at work two days ago, I got a call from FMIL (because who doesn't want a call from their mother-in-law-to-be while running around the office on a Wednesday preparing for an important meeting happening in two hours? [note: you can substitute mother or pretty much anyone else without a summer job for mother-in-law and I would be equally annoyed because really, there is nothing I hate more than answering my cellphone during the work-day to find the person on the other end is calling you at 10:30 in the morning to talk about insipid crap because they "forgot" you had to work today]). I pick up the phone (because I'm at the point where I'm still trying to be the best little future daughter in law I can be and I believe that includes dutifully answering phone calls) and FMIL says to me: "E&E, I know we said we would go dress shopping together, but I decided to go on my own, and there is a sale at the store next to my hair salon - isn't that great! - and a $3000 dress is on FINAL SALE for $500 and I want to buy it. I'm going to send you a picture of me wearing the dress on your phone and you can tell me what you think. And they won't hold the dress for me so I need to buy it today."

My phone starts buzzing and I flip it open to see the dress. I squint my eyes because I must be seeing wrong. The dress is IVORY. It is a big ballgown floor-length dress that is IVORY. It looks like my mother-in-law is getting married.

My work phone is ringing off the hook with requests for the meeting, people are walking in and out of my office, and I'm trying to send out emails to the clients, all while simultaneously calling Mr. F because I'll be damned if I have to call his mom and tell her that she can't buy the dress because it's white.

So I'm internally conflicted - yes, I realize it sounds terrible to say you can't buy a dress because it's white. It sounds immature and self-absorbed. But can I get a bridal barometer here? - Isn't this the ONE TIME IN MY LIFE (and really, I have never told anyone ever that they shouldn't wear something because it's similar to what I'm wearing. OK, maybe once in like third grade I told my friend she was "copying" when she wore a pink neon Esprit shirt - but SHE WAS and I was 7 and she would have been better off if she wouldn't have worn the shirt because now both she and I have to deal with the shame for all the neon worn so prominently for an entire decade) that I can do that without judgment (if the offending garment is a white dress and to be worn by my mother-in-law)???? Am I really a bad person for not wanting my mother in law to wear a bridal gown?

Truth be told, I can guess what happened. FMIL is a really really nice woman (truly). So I'm guessing that she thought that when I said champagne, I was talking about an ivory color. I was not (I was talking about champagne, a soft gold color with a yellow undertone). I figured I had plenty of time to show her the exact color I was talking about since I was going with her to look. Apparently I didn't. (See? This is where the whole paying attention to the CAPS about 5 paragraphs above comes in handy.) The issue is that she really should have waited for me if she said all along she wanted to wait for me.

What a clusterfuck. (I actually despise that word, but I can't think of a single word that more appropriately describes the situation. And besides, it's almost noon and I picture a clusterfuck as some sort of caramel-ly, nougat-y, irregularly-shaped chocolate ball, found in the Whitman's Sampler with lots of almonds, so that makes me pretty happy). Yum. I'm going to grab lunch.