Monday, September 1, 2008

Bermuda, Bahama, Come on Pretty Mama

I'm pretty sure I just scared off at least half of my readers by quoting from a 1990's Beach Boys song, but damn it, if you're going to write about honeymoons is there any better song to quote? And come on, isn't there something inherently cheesey about the word "honeymoon" anyway? And so, isn't a monterey jack-inspired song like "Kokomo" just about the most appropriate thing to kick off this post? If you disagree, you might want to stop reading because (a) there's just more of the same ahead and (b) I need to take a break because all this talk of songs-con-queso has made me want to go make some macaroni and cheese (powdered, not the mushy cheese in a bag kind which I find just too unnatural...cheese that does not require refrigeration makes me shudder).

[Back on couch with computer...fuller and fatter. Unfortunately we didn't have any mac and cheese in the house so I was forced to just stand by the open refrigerator and mechanically eat plain slices of American cheese...six of them. (And yes, I was forced! - there was no free will about it - I was under some sort of Kraft black, er orange-magic.)]

So back to my first point (which I'm pretty sure is going to be the only point): does anyone else hate the word "honeymoon"? To me, there's just something so skeevy and disco-seventies about it. I sort of put it in the category of the word "lover." Just hearing the word conjures up pictures of heart shaped hot tubs, leopard satin sheets and hotpants.

Given my discomfort with taking a vacation that repeatedly made me think of a place and time associated with Magnum PI's mustache, I actually took it upon myself to look up the history of this term. Lo and behold, I found that the first time the word was used in writing was in the 16th century in Richard Huloet's "Abecedarium Anglico Latinum," which stated as follows (ahem):

"Honeymoon, a term proverbially applied to such as be new married, which will not fall out at the first, but the one loveth the other at the beginning exceedingly, the likelihood of their exceeding love appearing to assuage, the which time the vulgar people call the honey moon."

All I have to say is that I read this passage three times now and all I got was something about love appearing to be a sausage.

This does not seem to be a good reason to cling to this term (not that I'm busting on sausage - which is delicious for many reasons, including that it satisfies both as a breakfast meat and for dinner on a bun). However, what I'm trying to say is that I think that the honeymoon needs a new name (and possibly a PR firm, but I'm just one woman). Moreover, if Richard Whooseywhatsie is saying waaaayyyy back in the 1500's that only crass and vulgar folks call the post-nuptial period the "honeymoon" - then why, on God's green Earth, are we still clinging to this crapola term 500 years later?

Thus I would like to propose a new, super modern, and badass name for the post-marriage-trip. The only problem is that I haven't thought of what this uber-fabuloso term will be.

"The Getaway"? I like it; it seems very slick - like a superhero's departure. To me it conjures up Superman and Lois Lane getting hitched and then ducking away from The Bad Guys to go to Fiji. Or better yet, Bonnie & Clyde hopping off to a Sandals resort. On the downside, I can foresee a wary travel agent calling the FBI to report the couple who wanted help with the "getaway."

What about "Respite"? I know it sounds a little, well, mature - like a vacation in an old folks home (Jell-O a deux!), but I'm pretty sure I'm just moments from a convalescence anyway so it could serve double duty. Or it could take a totally different direction - like "Sugarsun"! (Though I think it sounds like the name of a chewing gum.) Or "Molassesvenus"? (Which definitely sounds generally dirty and I don't have any particular explanation as to why). Or "Splendastar"? (Sounds like a fighter ship in the Star Wars galaxy.)

By way of explanation (since I suppose one is needed), all of these musings stem from the fact that Mr. F and I seem to be unable to make any decision whatsoever on the topic of our Post-Nuptial-Vacation. When we get annoyed with wedding planning itself, we just generally bandy around places located all over the entire world and then do nothing about them.

"What about Venezuela?" "Cool."

"What about Nepal?" "Yeah."

"Maybe we should go to Alaska!?" "Definitely."

And with that decided, I just sit and think about how the word honeymoon repulses me.


Yined said...

hi, I discovered your blog recently and it is a relief to know that I’m not alone. Hate is a strong word to describe my wedding planning, but I’m a lil’ bit lazy about it. I can’t help to feel inadequate when I compare myself to every other wedding blog. Must brides are so crafty! so creative! so upbeat! with so hands-on grooms!!! I do not have a ‘vision’ for my wedding, just a vague idea.

invisiblyrose said...

that bit about sausage - lol!

i don't hate the word honeymoon. i hate the word minimoon. i also hate the phrase second honeymoon, or any other phrase noting there have been multiple honeymoons. you only get one.

eandebride said...

thanks to both of you! :)

invisiblyrose, what's a minimoon? i'm not familiar with tell! (by the way, how technologically deficient am i that i can't figure out how to leave a comment on my own site?)

A said...

so i've been laughing (loudly) while reading your posts for the last 20 minutes. my fiance sits here looking at me like i'm insane. i'm getting married in october and JUST discovered the wedding blogging community. i'm pretty sure i hate planning my wedding, too. hell, i didn't even want one. but, you know. what can you do?

by the way, my "wedding planner" (aka cousin of the fiance) suggested that we go to the pocono's for our honeymoon. that's where she and her husband went "and we absolutely loved it!". the pocono's is definitely the resort that has the heart shaped and champagne glass shaped tubs. i mean, what the hell? who wants that?

i will now read your blog religiously, if only for some comic relief.

Peonies and Polaroids said...

I hate the word honeymoon too, it's just crap. And fiancée. I think I used it twice in our 18 month engagement and both time I was disgusted with myself.

The word honeymoon is just another piece of marketing bollocks to make you feel like it should more special because it's related to a wedding - it's not a holiday, it's a honeymoon; they're not knickers, they're wedding lingerie; it's not a big party Gasp, horror, how could you say such a thing?), it's the most perfect day of your life ever.

invisiblyrose said...

a minimoon is a 2-7 day break after the wedding and the couple goes away but somewhere close, so they can take a break from the wedding. but they are taking a real honeymoon for a longer period of time months later. a lot of folks do it to save money. i'm doing it because my man is in school and we want him to finish out the semester before going away.

regardless, i really really hate that word. it's not even real!

peonies - i hate the word fiancee too. i never use it because i think it sounds haughty and it rhymes with beyonce.

Leah said...

soo... totally finding this blog way late in the game, but love it. Never thought much about the word "honeymoon," but it always conjured something like a cocktail in my brain. And everyone loves cocktails. Something, maybe, like a hot toddy, but actually good - lemony, honey-y, crisp but soothing...

qasia said...

I just discovered your blog yesterday...and I've since spent much too much work-time reading it from start to...well this post, thus far. I also made my poor fiance endure me reading out loud to him last night two (or was it three?) months of your posts.

The term honeymoon apparently came about when people used to supply the happy couple with ~ a month (a full moon cycle) of mead (alcoholic honey)...hence honey-moon. And no...I didn't look this up...I just know this. Along with waayy too much other wedding trivia. And I can't blame my wedding on this...I've known these things for years.

And now me of all people, who knows all things wedding and adores all things wedding, HATES (or at least strongly dislikes) planning my wedding.

And so I love you and your blog and will continue forcing my fiance to listen to me read it out loud while drinking rum-filled eggnog because it's soo much better than thinking about my wedding.

qasia said...

Oh...and you should totally go to Nepal. If not for your "Post-Nuptial-Vacation", some other time. It's wonderful. I lived there for a time in college.

vickie said...

the reason its called a honeymoon is because traditionally you were supposed to drink nothing but mead (which is made form honey) for a full month (or moon) after you get married. so this period of time was called the honeymoon, and then translated to the trip that you take after your wedding.