Wednesday, September 3, 2008

You Can Check Out Anytime You Like, But You Can Never Leave

I've begun to realize that wedding planning is a lot like heartburn (both of which I am experiencing right now, which makes me an expert). When you're in the thick of each, all you can think about is how truly horrible it is. But then, as soon as it has subsided (and you are lazily paging through the new issue of "Modern Bride" while eating some spicy Thai food out of the container), your mind (or your stomach) conveniently forgets just how painful it was and you become convinced that you were overreacting and that everything is juuuuuust fine.

Until, like clockwork, the very same exact thing happens again.

Last thing I remember
I was running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before...

And so indeed, "hotel issues" have returned, mighty and strong, reminding me that they never truly go away. Welcome to the Hotel Crapifornia, such a lovely place.

My Dad called me last night, which I thought was extremely thoughtful of him since he isn't usually the one to pick up the phone. Unfortunately, the first words out of his mouth were something along the lines of: "I told Mom I would talk with you about something." Words such as these strike fear into even the most hardened of brides.

This could be heaven or this could be hell...

Like a dog hearing the rustle of the travel cage opening, my skin crawled, my ears perked up; I went on high alert. What was coming was not good. Stall him! Create a distraction!

"Soooooo Dad, I've been thinking that we should discuss the song we'll use for our father/daughter dance...have you thought about it at all?" [This won't work...he's too smart for that. I'm done. Shipped off to the kennel.]

"Oh yeah? I'd love to discuss that, hon!"


"Right after I talk to you about what Mom and I wanted to discuss with you."

CRISIS RETURNED. My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim...I had to stop for the night.

So I mumbled back to him, "Uh, yeah, ok."

"Well you know how Mom and I found another hotel that people could stay in, right?" Note to readers: this might be the ultimate example of addressing the obvious. Although I peripherally addressed this before, I didn't discuss this to the extent it was an issue in my family (which I could, but take it on faith - I was annoyed about the fact that my parents wanted to provide a second hotel and told my parents so). So YEAH, I know they found another hotel.

More mumbling. "Yeah."

"Well, because the Marriott is such a nice hotel, of course many of our friends have chosen to stay there instead of the hotel attached to the wedding venue." My parents are truly obsessed with the Marriott. "And since that's the case, what we really wanted to know from you is whether you think you're going to want to hang out with us the night before your wedding...or whether you're ok with mom and I hanging out with all of our friends who have come from all around the country to see us and who will all be at the other hotel."


"I mean, of course, if you want us to stay at your hotel, we can certainly stay there while alllll our friends are at the other hotel. It's what you want of course."

I'm calling "time out" for a moment here. Now while my Dad is giving his soliloquy, there is actually a lot going through my head (and believe it or not, despite what I'm saying, I'm not actually thinking "uhm").

I'm thinking: my parents TOTALLY SUCK.

Yeah yeah, I love them and all, and they're throwing me a wedding - I get it. But really, doesn't it SUCK just a little that they've put me in the position that I need to CHOOSE between saying that I want them to stay at the hotel with me and saying that they can go hang out with their friends at the other hotel a few miles away, when they have made it very evident that they strongly prefer the latter option? So yeah, of course I'm going to say they should go stay with their friends, but it makes me sad, since it seems to me that it shouldn't be much of a discussion. If all of this hullabaloo (a word I have clearly spelled wrong and which is certainly not in the Blogger dictionary) is over their daughter's wedding (which they are allegedly soooo happy about) - wouldn't they (no questions asked) want to stay with their daughter?

We are all just prisoners here, of our own device.

Guess Mom and Dad won't be tucking me into bed the night before my wedding.

And yes, I'm not going to lie to you (because our relationship is based on trust), there's another force at work here. There's definitely a little piece of me that feels something else. Which is why our conversation ended as follows:

"Sure, Dad, do whatever you want. If you and Mom want to stay with your friends, you should. But just so you know - this is exactly why I didn't want to have two hotels where people stayed, especially when the first hotel is lovely and affordable and attached to the venue. Because if everyone stayed in one hotel, decisions like this would not have to be made."

Translation: [Singsong] I was right! I was riiiiiigggghhhht!


Anonymous said...

i think it might be time to dig deep and find your inner bridezilla. let her pitch a fit to your parents that they aren't focusing on you enough.

seriously though -- that would really chap my a**!

Autumn Witt (future Autumn Witt Boyd) said...

It's hilarious how different people have different relationships with their families, and how that comes out in wedding planning. My mother turns me into a crazy person, so I was adamant that she NOT stay anywhere near me the night before our wedding, and of course this hurt her feelings very much. Oh well, I keep trying to tell myself that it's my fiance's and my day/ weekend, but with others involved it never really 100% is. Hang in there!!

Kristy said...

You spelled "hullabaloo" correctly. =)

And I probably would've reacted/responded the same way you did. I love my parents, but sometimes. . .

enraged & engaged said...

anonymous - by the way, you're totally right and everyone keeps telling me that. but the whole idea of the bridezilla seems really terrible to me, so i've been working super hard to stay away from that (though i think i've taken it to the extreme!).

to autumn, what's funny is that (like you!) my mom does turn me into a crazy person, but i still wanted to know that if i wanted to give her a hug before i went to bed that night, that she would be there just down the hall at the hotel. i honestly am not sure how i'll be feeling the night before and so i was thinking i could be selfish and keep all options open, but now that's not possible. (that being said, mr. F keeps saying that i shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth...i'm not sure who the horse is this scenario, but i think he makes a bit of sense on this one). :)

to kristy - thanks for the dictionary capabilities and validation - a nice one-two punch.

Peonies and Polaroids said...

I'm with mr F on this one, I couldn't cope with having my family around the night before! And I think you should start shouting too. If I were you I'd be about ready to blow any day now.

Alice said...

I just want to say that I really love reading your blog. You have a gift for creative and hilarious writing. I really do sympathize with you. I've only been engaged since May and I've already "quit" wedding planning several times. Unfortunately I don't have any good advice for you, other than to lean on Mr. F. In the end you'll come out married (hopefully!) and that's what really counts!
Good luck with your parents!

Figuring Out The Details said...

Ay yi yi. I don't know what else to say on this one. Nice attempt at a diversion though!

Ida said...

Love your blog - the way you write is great, you make me laugh, which is good since I'm also stuck in the occasionally very stressful process of planning a wedding :).

vickie said...
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