Every Silver Lining's Got A Touch Of Chardonnay

I had a mega-conversation with my mom yesterday. As a teacher, she has her summers off (or as I like to call it "the period of three months when my mom forgets other people have jobs") and just spent the last couple of weeks with my cousin in the British Virgin Islands. (If you've been reading this blog for a while you would put two and two together and realize this is the one and same place that I originally wanted to get married...if you haven't been reading this blog very long, then - Welcome! And may I introduce you to a month of blog postings called June...take a stroll through any time you like and learn about where this wedding began...on a small island two hours south of Florida...and you will better understand where we are now - two hours north of a place I call Nuptial Hell).

Anyway, I haven't spoken to my mom in a couple of weeks so I had to catch her up on all the wedding-related details that have transpired. Here's the great thing about moms (or at least my mom) - she can sit and listen to all the wedding details and lap them up like it was a white chocolate double whip latte. It's nice to actually speak with someone (outside of the blogosphere) who actually cares about the color sash I selected for the bridesmaids to wear with their dresses or who thinks it's very important to talk about each of the songs I will be using for the processional and recessional. Talking about this with just about anyone else results in a look more glazed than a dunkin donut. Even my oh-so-patient bridesmaids have their limit (as they should). So yes, moms can be wonderful.

And yet...moms can also be such a DOWNER.

I began telling my mom about the photographer I booked and how EXCITED I was (which I haven't actually gone into here - but I will say I am very excited - evidenced by the use of ALL CAPS (!) but will blog about it later, assuming it all doesn't go to crap). And she sat on the other end of the line listening to me go on and on and on breathlessly discussing the angles she caught on a groom's socks while sending her the link to her webpage and explaining how she agreed to drive in from 300 miles away for our wedding at a great price and just about everything else anyone could want (or not want) to know about a photographer. After I finished, the words just popped out - the ones I know I should say, but the eager child in me secretly seeking my mother's approval just can't help it: "So, what do you think?"

[Long pause. Sound of dreams shattering.]

"Wellllll honey, I'm really happy you're happy. And I don't mean to rain on your parade BUT you know, she is going to be coming in from out of town and and it will be February...so you're going to have a very big problem if it snows. I think you really need to think about this."


"Um yeah...right, thanks for bringing that to my attention Mom."


And so I quickly changed topics to the music for the ceremony. I began to tell her about the great deal I negotiated for our music for the ceremony and cocktail hour and how one of the four musicians would play for the ceremony and then go down and join the jazz trio once everyone left the ceremony. To which she responded "welllllllll, I don't mean to point this out, but it's definitely unfortunate that the quartet won't have its fourth member for a good 15 minutes during the cocktail hour...and since it is only an hour...that's something you should really think about."


"Um yeah mom, thanks for pointing that out."

I closed my eyes as I sat on the couch listening to my mom give me other "pointers" and "helpful hints." I needed to take control of this situation.

Squeek. Squeek. Squeek. Pop!


"Honey, what in the world are you doing? Are you...that sounded like...are you opening up a bottle of wine to drink by yourself?"


"Um, yeah...thanks for bringing that to my attention, Mom."

Glub.