So I guess the best place to start is the beginning, right? (Unfortunately, now I can't get Julie Andrews, a la "Sound of Music" out of my head, but it's a nice soundtrack to my saga, so I'm going with it.) [Doe, A Deer, A Female Deer]
The beginning. Congratulate me! - I got engaged almost six months ago - a wonderful event, right? To fast forward: I have considered about 100 wedding venues - from museums to libraries to inns, in 2 countries, and 6 states and only have a headache, a dwindling wine collection, and the stirrings of what I'm sure is an ulcer to show for it.
[Ray, A Drop of Golden Sun]
When I got engaged I was sure I would be The Perfect Bride [montage of Martha Stewart and the pitter patter of Canon in D here]. Unfortunately, the more I've tried to plan, the more depressed I've become. Every other website is simply a reminder that I'm clearly an Inadequate Bride.* I've almost found myself wishing that I was a Bridezilla (because then at least I would be on a track to going down an aisle somewhere, even if it was to Hell). So mostly for my own therapy, but also in the hopes that there are some other women out there who are having a tough time with this wedding planning thing, I decided to start blogging on my experience and hopefully soliciting some others to share in comments (assuming anyone else puts in the words "hate" "wedding" "planning" "parents" "crazy" "stressed" into their search engine and comes upon this blog).
[Me, A Name, I Call Myself]
Just as a little background, I'm a 30-something year old woman, born in NY, raised in the great state of NJ, and currently living in MD. I wasn't the little girl who dreamed of planning a wedding, but I have wanted to find the wonderful person meant for me for a long long time. Don't be confused by my sarcasm, stress and anger. My fiance, aka, Mister Fiance (not to be confused with Mr. Mister, a great 80's band), is wonderful. He's caring, funny, smart and supportive. However, his dream wedding has always been to elope, so he's happy to support my efforts at planning, but isn't looking to take that Herculean burden off me anytime soon (not to mention that he doesn't have time). So the whole world is in MY hands. And lest you ask why we don't just elope - the answer is that I love the beauty and tradition of a wedding and being surrounded by friends and family. So I cannot give that up. Not yet.
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*That being said, I have to say that there are a LOT of aesthetically gorgeous blogs and websites out there (http://www.stylemepretty.com/ I'm talking to you here) and I'm only depressed because I can't seem to make "that" (i.e., the Perfect Wedding or actually any wedding) happen. I'm pretty positive this isn't some grand scheme hatched by bridal magazines and bloggers intended to make me lose my marbles. (Not that that's not possible. After all, I've seen The Truman Show and I know how these things go. ) And now that I think about it, it probably IS a grand scheme by the wedding INDUSTRY so I spend gobs of money on perfect place cards, but I'm pretty sure that Barb Bride, out there, blogging alone at home, doesn't give a crap. She just wants to be a Pretty Pretty Princess.
10 comments:
just found your blog and I have to tell you that I LOVE it!!!! You are currently living my life about a year ago....planning our wedding was HELL for me and I thank God everyday that it is OVER!! I guess having a crazy mother-in-law did not help! Anyway, mojitos is what got me through!!!! *HUGS*
I am just starting and already want to pull out my hair. I was thinking something must be wrong with me! So glad to see your blog and know that it's not just me! Thanks!
so happy that I found your blog. I just started planning too. it sucks. and everybody sucks too. had the engagement party a few months ago...my family (about 10 pple) came over to my fiance's parents home (they hosted), and didn't bring a single gift for my and my fiance (whilst everyone else who came to the party did bring something). At some point, it was decided (not by me or my fiance) that there would be a "gift opening hour"... really embarrassing...
Just found your blog and this is my exact same story, I am SO RELIEVED that I am not the only soon-to-be-bride that feels this way. Fiance who dreams of eloping... family in two different states... we met and dated in one city, but then got engaged and moved to another... toss money and budgets into the mix and wedding planning is a nightmare. I'm looking forward to reading more!
Your blog is music to my ears. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me.. I just started planning my wedding and I am already miserable. I am not happy with one thing so far... everybody sucks. I see countless cocktails in my future to help me go through this without causing a 'scene'. lol
I just started and this is HELL. I'm so happy to see this here. Most of my friends thought it was the best time of their lives. I can't understand what's wrong with me. I just want it to be over and I can't imagine having to think of all the little things I still have to think about! Nightmare!
I love you. I posted on the Knot about how wedding planning sucks, venue searching sucks, how everyone in the industry wants to suck out every penny and iota of sanity you have. All the responses were to the effect that I was an ungrateful bride to be who can't see the bliss in the planning of the "most amazing" day of my life. To them I say: Suck it. To you I say: THANK YOU!
Monica! You're not alone. I'm a month on the job and already having mixed emotions on whether a wedding is REALLY worth it. I wish I could hand it all off to a wedding coordinator, but then I think, Aren't I paying enough for this dang party already?!
Good luck to you! Cheers.
Adrienne, Los Angeles
I'm so glad that I'm not the only one that feels this way about planning. Your blog is making me feel normal again!
I'd like to voice a complaint. It's going to sound ridiculous, but now that I've found a blog and a group of people that are also NOT enjoying their journey to bridehood, I feel like it's alright to bring up. You mentioned all those websites and magazines that make you feel bad about yourself. I feel that exactly, but to a slightly different degree. I wear glasses. I have worn them most of my life and I do not intend on taking them off for my wedding day. I have yet to find ANY bridal website, magazine, TV show, or movie that portrays a bride with glasses. In fact, in most cases in the media, a woman is often seen as more beautiful AFTER someone removes her glasses.
Like I said, it's stupid, but it really bothers me.
Thanks for letting me rant.
And I'd like to clarify that I am very much looking forward to being a wife. I'm dreading being a bride.
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