Plan D - In the Words of Pres Bush: "Mission Accomplished"

All done! I rescued Zelda. Got the brass ring. Been there, done that, nailed her shut. Option three was perfect. It was a beautiful historic inn dating back from the 18th century, but refurbished with modern day amenities and perfectly manicured grounds. The 15-room inn looked out over the Bay and had a charming old covered dock where we could have cocktails, before we all adjourned to the ballroom, the latter of which framed the outside grounds with its floor to ceiling windows and lit the room with a fresh clean feel.

Unfortunately, our budget only allowed us a Sunday wedding, which wasn't ideal in this location, given that it meant that we couldn't check in until Sunday at 3:00 for a 4:00 wedding. But I loved the place enough that I was willing to stay at a different hotel the night before and loved the idea that the night of the event, our closest friends and family would all be in one place AND not a single outsider would be there for the wedding!

Here's the funny thing. As we're leaving, Mr. F (who's apparently not as oblivious as I usually think) says to me: "Your parents are going to HATE this place." And I turned to him, AGHAST at his blasphemy and said "You are totally wrong."

On the way home, I called my parents, and told them we'd found the place! And a date! (May 3rd.)

My parents told me that they were thrilled and would plan a trip down to the Inn to visit it next weekend. I would meet them there and we would sign the contract, put down the deposit and send out the Save The Dates! As the week passed by, my mind grew dizzy with spring wedding ideas. I would be able to carry a thick bouquet of yellow tulips, my favorite, and the colors would be a beautiful bright yellow and a grass green with tons of lovely whites and a vintage feel. Lemonade before the ceremony (such a thoughtful complimentary touch by the Inn) and mint juleps during cocktail hour (such an intoxicatingly thoughtful touch by yours truly).

In fact, the timing could not have been more perfect. Mom and Dad were throwing us an engagement party the weekend before their planned trip down to the bay to sign the contract and we began spreading the exciting news. Breaking news! - E&E and Mr. F have found a place! Yes, it's an adorable little inn on the Chesapeake; no, you should not wear shorts just because it's not a fancy hotel; no, an "inn" does not infer that this is like a "Days Inn"; yes, my parents are ok with the wedding not being in a hotel. I think.

OK, OK. Clearly we see where this is going, right?? I'll skip the part where I left work early to drive two hours to the Chesapeake Bay, imagining myself walking over the little white bridge that would lead to the ceremony site, and envisioned crab cake entrees delicately paired with a petit filet (since May would actually be in-season!). And we'll just jump right along to my arrival at the sweet little inn with the beautiful grounds and the moment I saw my parents sitting in the living room of the Inn looking over their notes.

And this is the first thing my father said: "Your mother got grease all over her pants. She must have gotten something on her from the walls here or something. She's in the bathroom trying to clean it off."

Hmm. Let's ponder that, shall we?

E&E's translation: "This place is rustic, which we think is dirty. It's not like the places where our friends' children get married. That makes us uncomfortable. We don't want you to get married here. And I have not said 'hello' or 'how are you' or 'we love it here' because you will soon realize we don't like this place."

And then he went on: "So, we want to discuss some things with you. Do you realize that they don't pour wine for you at dinner? You need to get up and get a drink if you want it. And do you realize that the breakfast buffet is only pancakes and pre-made eggs? There's no bagels. [E&E: The horror! No bagels? What shall we f---ing do? Sorry. Still angry.] Also, you can't check in until 3:00. And if you're not a guest of the Inn you have to leave after the wedding. [E: You mean non-paying guests can't just loiter around? Shocking! ...sorry...still angry...] And also, the rooms are different sizes and we have to determine who should stay where. And also, we thought the girl showing us around was a little weird. Did you notice that? And we have other things we didn't like. Let me look at page 3 of our list of things we didn't like. Hold on."

And so we didn't sign the contract. And then a couple days later my parents told me that they thought that if I chose the Inn Location (which I thought I already had, but apparently, I had not), that they were planning to stay somewhere else.

Hmmm.

So I told them that Mr. F and I would find another location more suitable to their wedding vision. Yes, their vision. Because I had just realized that in no way, shape or form was this my wedding. Or anything remotely having to do with my happiness, my personality and/or the future that Mr. F and I were solemnly vowing to enter into together. Good times.