[The Volvo is silent.]
Monday, June 16, 2008
(Sugar Honey Iced) Tea, A Drink with Jam & Bread
[Enraged & Engaged and her mother are driving in a car (a Volvo, to be exact) through New Jersey. E&E is home for Mother's Day weekend (in her family it's not a day, it's a weekend). They are discussing the desintegration of Plan B.]
Mom: So honey, where are you thinking of having the wedding now? You really ought to get a date set. There's no reason it should take so long. And so many people are...asking.
E&E: [Mumbling under her breath.] You mean now that you told me to stop looking in Florida?
Mom: What, dear?
E&E: Nothing, I said 'I don't know.' We're thinking of some place by the water in Maryland. You know, since we met in California and spent so much time on the water and all.
Mom: Have you considered New Jersey?
E&E: You mean since the last time that you asked me if I considered New Jersey?
Mom: Oh, sweetie. You're so funny. Really, it's so close though. You really should think about it.
E&E: But none of my friends live in New Jersey.
Mom: Oh, honey.
E&E: And I don't live in New Jersey.
Mom: But you grew up here! And we're here!
E&E: And Mr. F doesn't live in New Jersey.
Mom: And there are so many options!
E&E: But I left New Jersey. I left the moment I graduated. And besides, I want to get married on the water.
Mom: Well, you know the Jersey Shore is just lovely.
E&E: But I had my PROM there! I don't want to get married the same place I associate with Zima and the overwhelming amounts of flannel I wore in 1994.
Mom: I'm not sure why you're being so stubborn. And you have no reason to hate New Jersey.
E&E: I didn't say I 'hated' New Jersey. Besides, I'm looking for something more...historic.
Mom: What about Cape May? Cape May is lovely. Your father and I really enjoy it there.
E&E: I don't want to get married in Cape May.
Mom: Well, it's really nice and if you would go and visit, I think you would see that.
E&E: I've been there. It's nice. But I don't want to get married in Cape May.
Mom: Well then, why?
E&E: I. don't. want. to.
E&E: Because I don't want to! Leave me alone!
Mom: You're being really unreasonable dear. I don't see any reason you won't consider a beautiful place on the water in New Jersey. Cape May is perfect. [Pauses.] This is why you still don't have a wedding location set.
E&E: I WENT TO CAPE MAY IN COLLEGE WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND I ASSOCIATE CAPE MAY WITH CHEAP CHAMPAGNE, CRAPPY SALT WATER TAFFY AND SEX WITH A PERSON THAT IS NOT MR. F.!!! WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO PUT THAT IN THE GODAMN VOWS?
[The Volvo is silent.]