Monday, June 16, 2008

(Sugar Honey Iced) Tea, A Drink with Jam & Bread


[Enraged & Engaged and her mother are driving in a car (a Volvo, to be exact) through New Jersey. E&E is home for Mother's Day weekend (in her family it's not a day, it's a weekend). They are discussing the desintegration of Plan B.]




Mom: So honey, where are you thinking of having the wedding now? You really ought to get a date set. There's no reason it should take so long. And so many people are...asking.



E&E: [Mumbling under her breath.] You mean now that you told me to stop looking in Florida?



Mom: What, dear?


E&E: Nothing, I said 'I don't know.' We're thinking of some place by the water in Maryland. You know, since we met in California and spent so much time on the water and all.


Mom: Have you considered New Jersey?


E&E: You mean since the last time that you asked me if I considered New Jersey?


Mom: Oh, sweetie. You're so funny. Really, it's so close though. You really should think about it.


E&E: But none of my friends live in New Jersey.


Mom: Oh, honey.


E&E: And I don't live in New Jersey.


Mom: But you grew up here! And we're here!


E&E: And Mr. F doesn't live in New Jersey.


Mom: And there are so many options!


E&E: But I left New Jersey. I left the moment I graduated. And besides, I want to get married on the water.


Mom: Well, you know the Jersey Shore is just lovely.


E&E: But I had my PROM there! I don't want to get married the same place I associate with Zima and the overwhelming amounts of flannel I wore in 1994.


Mom: I'm not sure why you're being so stubborn. And you have no reason to hate New Jersey.


E&E: I didn't say I 'hated' New Jersey. Besides, I'm looking for something more...historic.


Mom: What about Cape May? Cape May is lovely. Your father and I really enjoy it there.


E&E: I don't want to get married in Cape May.


Mom: Well, it's really nice and if you would go and visit, I think you would see that.


E&E: I've been there. It's nice. But I don't want to get married in Cape May.


Mom: Well then, why?


E&E: I. don't. want. to.


Mom: Why?


E&E: Because I don't want to! Leave me alone!


Mom: You're being really unreasonable dear. I don't see any reason you won't consider a beautiful place on the water in New Jersey. Cape May is perfect. [Pauses.] This is why you still don't have a wedding location set.


E&E: I WENT TO CAPE MAY IN COLLEGE WITH MY BOYFRIEND AND I ASSOCIATE CAPE MAY WITH CHEAP CHAMPAGNE, CRAPPY SALT WATER TAFFY AND SEX WITH A PERSON THAT IS NOT MR. F.!!! WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO PUT THAT IN THE GODAMN VOWS?


[The Volvo is silent.]


5 comments:

BellyLion said...

I can so relate to this conversation. In fact, the memories have me rolling on the floor! I know I'm a little behind in my reading and what not, but seriously. Kudos for sticking to it ;) Also, you don't sound like the kind of "offbeat bride" that tends to flock here, but this site has been supplying me with lots of "bring her back down to earth-ness" http://offbeatbride.com/ It's like a big forum of women who are engaged & enraged (I LOVE your nicknames) at todays mad-crazy expectations for weddings!

redframe said...

you are too precious. i am laughing my head off. and also wore too much flannel circa '94... bless you.

Caitlan said...

You are too flipping funny! I am absolutely loving this and sincerely hoping my planning won't be nearly so traumatic! Keep up the good work! :-)

Elsa said...

I think I gave in and am having my wedding in my hometown. The very hometown I relate with prom, strict parents, and a cliquey group of friends. I'm disgusted with myself!

Randi-Michelle said...

This conversation defines my wedding! Since having it out a little more with MY mom, she's calmed down and let me do things the way I need/want to do them. My fiance's mom, however, it's like I'm explaining for the 10th time in graphic detail WHY I don't want to get married in Cape May.